May 2006
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A Friendship of Grace

I buried an old friend last month. Mike Pickering died a week shy of his 90th birthday. Mike was a retired Air Force colonel. He served his country well in a long and storied career. He was shot down over Normandy on D-Day in 1944, and again in Korea years later. He was commander of the base in Berlin during the Berlin air lift, and of the base at Cape Canaveral , where he was friends with the original astronauts. He was commander of Air Force One under presidents Truman and Johnson.

But those numerous accomplishments are not what I think of when I remember Mike. He had long been retired by the time I met him and his wife, Sonja, at St. Timothy’s in Chattanooga .

My relationship with Mike got off to a rather inauspicious start. I had been at St. Timothy’s a little more than a year when the rector, David Hackett, was granted a three-month sabbatical. During the time David was to be away, Mike’s daughter was to be married at St. Timothy’s. I was looking forward to officiating at what would be my first wedding.

One day David called me into his office to say there was a problem. Mike was insistent that if David could not officiate at his daughter’s wedding, then another priest be called in to do so. When questioned, he finally admitted that “it was nothing personal against Tricia,” but he did not want a female priest officiating at his daughter’s wedding.

I confess that I did take it personally. David came to my defense, telling Mike that if the wedding were going to be at St. Timothy’s then I, the priest of the congregation, would be the officiant.

Eventually, Mike grudgingly agreed. His wife came to see me and asked that I not be upset – that her husband was a good man, but a stubborn, old-fashioned one who never changed his mind. I assured her that I was fine, but when she told me that they planned to leave the church after the wedding I was not disappointed.

The wedding was beautiful. The bride and groom were delightful, and I enjoyed the privilege of officiating at the service. But as promised, once the wedding was over Mike and Sonja no longer came to church.

About a year later I got a phone call from another parishioner, telling me that Sonja was ill and having surgery. Would I go see her in the hospital? I pointed out that they no longer attended St. Timothy’s. The friend assured me they weren’t going anywhere else. “Please go,” she said. “They are so fond of you.” I silently laughed at that statement, but said I would.

To my surprise, Mike and Sonja seemed truly grateful to see me at the hospital. I was sitting with Mike when the doctor told him that Sonja had cancer. In the following weeks and months, I visited them regularly, taking them communion and spending time with them. When Sonja was stronger, they came back to church. When a grandchild was born, I baptized her. And when Sonja died, Mike asked me to officiate at her funeral, although there were male priests available.

After Sonja’s death, Mike came by my office regularly to chat. When Joseph Henry was born he was among the first to congratulate us. He had tears in his eyes my last Sunday at St. Timothy’s.

Mike’s daughter and her family moved to North Carolina a couple of years ago, and Mike, who by that time was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, moved to a nursing home near them. When I heard his daughter’s voice on the phone a few weeks ago, I knew immediately why she was calling. And when she asked if I would come to Chattanooga and officiate at her father’s graveside service, there was no question I would do so.

It is easy to hear this story and think it is a tale about a man who changed his mind about women priests. And it is that. But it is so much more. Mike is not the only one who changed in this relationship. I did, too.

In the early days it was easy for me to dismiss Mike as an ignorant, prejudiced old man. I would minister to him because it was my job, but I didn’t have to like it. Then somewhere along the way I suddenly realized that I wasn’t just visiting Mike and Sonja because I had to, or because I liked Sonja. Without really knowing it, I had become quite fond of Mike.

Up until he died, Mike and I probably had polar opposite opinions on theology, politics and most other topics. But that did not matter. By the grace of God, we both had somehow put away all those differences and discovered a deep fondness for and connection to one another.

In the polarized world in which we live, those kinds of friendships don’t happen very often. We are quick to stereotype one another and put each other in categories. Now when I find myself doing that, I think of Mike.

Mike died during Lent, but I think of our friendship as an Easter story – a story of hope, and grace, and renewal. A story of forgiveness and second chances. A story to remind us that what binds us together is so much stronger than what separates us.

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Announcements

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Speaking Out for Outreach

Opportunity to Volunteer! Holy Comforter Dinner, Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Sign up at the Outreach Bulletin Board. We need volunteers to cook (ahead) and to serve that night! This is a GREAT opportunity for singles, couples, and families!

Questions about Holy Comforter? Call Barbara Bradshaw!

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Within Our Walls

Mighty Mite Box Collection

We collected $800 in Lenten Mite Box donations! The money will go to buy mosquito nets for people in Tanzania . The mosquito-born disease malaria causes up to 3 million deaths a year in Africa . Health officials estimate that the use of mosquito nets alone could cut the number of deaths by up to 50 percent. Yet in Tanzania , one of the areas where malaria is most prevalent, only 2 percent of the people sleep under mosquito nets. The reason? They don’t have the $4 the nets cost.

Thanks to your generosity, about 200 Tanzanians will soon have new mosquito nets. I have taken the $800 to the Rev. Paul Elliot, rector of St. Michael’s and All Angels in Stone Mountain . Paul is leaving the first of May for a two-month sabbatical in Tanzania. He will give your donations directly to the dean of the Anglican seminary there, who will see that it is used for mosquito nets for people who most need them. The Anglican diocese in Tanzania is our companion diocese, meaning we have a special relationship with our brothers and sisters in Christ there.

So often when we look at the problems facing the world they are so overwhelming that we simply turn away, knowing that there is nothing we can do to make a difference.

Adult Christian Education

On May 7, we will begin a three-week series on the Episcopal Church’s General Convention, which will be held in Columbus, Ohio in June. Every three years, bishops, clergy and lay representatives from every diocese in the Episcopal Church gather to conduct the business of the national church. In our Sunday School class we will look at the structure of the Episcopal Church and the Anglican Communion, examine the fall out from the 2003 General Convention and look at what issues will be brought before the convention this year.

Vacation Bible School

Vacation Bible School is tentatively scheduled for the last week of June, the 26-30 from 9 a.m. until noon . The reason we say “tentatively” is because in order to have Bible school for our children we must have adults willing to help. We need volunteers to help with arts and crafts, music, activities, snacks, storytelling, and general crowd control. If you are able to help, please contact Tricia at the church as soon as possible.

Congratulations!

Congratulations to Tricia, whose sermon “The Runaway Bunny” has been included in the book Sermons that Work: Preaching from Psalms, Oracles and Parables. Sermons that Work is an annual series of books described by its editors as “devoted to presenting examples of preaching excellence from parishes throughout the Episcopal Church.” This is the third time that Tricia has had a sermon published in the series. “The Runaway Bunny,” a comparison of Psalm 139 and the classic children’s book, was preached at St. Dunstan’s on January 23, 2005 . Click here to read it!

Missing

The plaque for the St. Dunstan Roses in memory of Fred Branch and Bill Lamkin is missing. Does anyone know where it might be? Please contact the church office at 404-266-1018.

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Thanks

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